Let's go dancing in the minefields and sailing in the storms

The future freaks me out. It puts butterflies in my stomach. It puts a childish grin on my face. It puts my mind in a million different directions. It makes me nervous. The future looks at pictures of the past and prompts me to move on. The past looks at the future with hesitation. The future pulls me in a direction I’ve been waiting for my whole life it says to me “Jessi, this is what you want! What are you waiting for?”, but my childhood pulls me in the opposite direction screaming at me “Where are you going? I’m not done yet!”
But then God breaks through the thoughts, He goes around and picks up every thought, every word, and every punctuation mark and puts them in three separate baskets. One is labeled “Future”, another “Present” and finally “Past”. Then he picks me up puts me on His lap and points to the basket labeled “Past” He says


“Daughter, my beloved, my princess, this is over with. People come, and people go. Hold on to your pictures and memories; hold on to the happy, throw away the sad. Forgive those you need to forgive. Forgiveness is not saying that the one that hurt you was right. It’s stating that I am faithful and I will do what is right.”


Then my Abba Father walks over to the basket labeled “Future” He picks me back up and sets me back on His lap, wiping away some tears, He holds me close and says;


“My love, my precious child, I have revealed a piece of my heart regarding your future. Take it, hold on to it, and trust me when I tell you something. You heard me correctly, it might be scary, it might be exciting for you, but wait patiently. Everything will play out the way I want it to, in MY time. I will only give you pieces of the puzzle that I know you can handle. I’ll never give too much. I know it’s hard to wait for what I’ve promised, I know it seems like it will never come, but trust me baby girl, trust me.”


Lastly my Daddy walks over to the basket labeled “Present” and says to me


“My baby, my girl, why are you having trouble living in this? I’ve given you this day for a reason. Once it is over, it is gone forever. What will you use it for? Will you use it looking at pictures from the past and dreaming of tomorrow? Or will you use it to enjoy the blessings I’ve given you, the people I’ve given you, or the breath I’ve breathed into your lungs? Enjoy now. Enjoy this day, this hour, this minute, this second; because once it passes you by, it’s gone. Remember what I’ve told you about the past and the future, but this is now, make it count.”



We're not dead my friends, let start acting like we're alive.

Show me Your glory

I've only updated once since I've been here, and if I made my best attempt to try and explain all of the things I've learned, all of the people I've met, even all the places I've been I would never be able to do it justice.

God has been speaking to me. And I really mean speaking to me, not just "oh I think this is what God wants me to do" as it's been for the past 4 years, it's "Oh hey God, I hear you LOUD and CLEAR!" Walking in a constant awareness and friendship with the holy spirit is something I couldn't explain unless you've experienced it. It's like having an on-going conversation with the God who made the heavens and the earth, the one who died upon a cross for a wretched sinner like me, and the one who is won't relent until He has it all. And when I got here, I finally threw up my hands and yelled to the heavens "HERE I AM. All of me, finally, everything, I am wholly Yours"
I've learned that out of the 6 billion people in this world, the 6 billion souls, God still wants to listen to me. To my one soul.
I've learned that laughter and friendships knows no bounds. That when there is a common purpose amongst a group of people then there is always love, always friendship, and there is no judgement.

Life in this house is always interesting. There is never nothing going on. As I sit here in the living room typing this, I hear the chatter of the cleaning crew, the pounding feet upstairs, and someone yelling "BRITT!". There is always someone singing, playing guitar, chatting on the porch swing, playing a hardcore game of volleyball or yelling something hilarious.

Life is SO good.
I've never been happier, and I am SO excited to see where God takes me and my future :)

Love you all,

Jessi

And so it begins...Week one!

Week one at YWAM Charlotte has been such an adventure! I love each and every person here! Everyone is so unique and the house is always full of singing, guitar, laughter, games, and talking. The front porch is full of people sitting on the swing, talking and laughing. The house itself is amazing, it's huge and historic. It is full of places to it and talk with God, talk with a friend, talk with a loved one back home. I am so happy to be here getting to know everyone better, and more importantly getting to know my beautiful savior even better.

A typical day for me is busy and full of laughter and learning. 7 am starts the day with breakfast, where I greet Emily with a happy "Guten Morgen!!" Next we walk down the block to a local church where we spend an hour of quiet time with the Lord, then, we all file into the classroom for a few hours of lecture. Each week we have a speaker who comes in teaching us on a certain topic. This week we had Dave Beuhring. He was phenomenal, I'll post some of my notes later on. Around 11am we have a break to stretch and eat a snack, then another hour of lecture. After we're done with classroom time for the day we walk back to the house for some lunch prepared by the beautiful Katie Roeger. After lunch we all have assigned "Productive Creativity" which means we fellowship with each other while doing chores. It took some getting used to, but thus far I enjoy that. Then at 5:30 we have dinner. After dinner depending on the night we either have free time, academic/homework time, on Wednesday nights we either have our children's ministry called Front Porch, or local evangelism, on Thursday nights we have a worship service at a local church called "Reset". And then lights out is at 10:00pm! And by that time, I am SO ready to climb into middle bunk, turn on my fan, and go to sleep :)

Life here is so fun. I love it. God is moving in huge ways, and I am so excited to continue to keep you all updated.

I love you all!!

God is Love,
Jessi

Sing to the Lord

Found in Your hands, fullness of joy
Every fear suddenly wiped away here in Your presence

All of my gains now fade away

Every crown no longer on display, here in Your presence

Heaven in trembling in awe of Your wonders
the kings and their kingdom are standing amazed

Here in Your presence, we are undone
Here in Your presence, Heaven and Earth become one
Here in Your presence, all things are new
Here in Your presence, everything bows before You

Wonderful, beautiful, glorious, matchless in every way
Wonderful, beautiful, glorious, matchless in every way

Here in Your presence, we are undone
Here in Your presence, Heaven and Earth become one
Here in Your presence, all things are new
Here in Your presence, everything bows before You

I can tell that we are gonna be friends....

God is awesome.
I am always in awe of the way he works things out.

Time out: I am also in awe of His grace. I could never do something that would make Him not love me...I am a wretched, unworthy sinner...and He still forgives and offers love and grace...beautiful.

Back to my original thought.... :)

I love how God provides and works things out! I have been LOVING getting to know my friends in Monroe. We are SO much alike. God brought us all together to be amazing friends...that will soon turn into family.

SO excited. SO ready to be there!

On another side(ish) note, thank you to everyone who has donated financially to me. God will bless your offerings :)

I have 25 days until I leave.
I love you all.

God is love,
Jessi

Give me faith to be strong, Father I am so weak...

All too often I make an attempt to steal control away from God.

I think I am able to handle this world on my own.

I am so thankful for my forgiving and gracious Father. He holds me close when I collapse from lack of strength and tells me He loves me more than anything in the world. He offers me more grace than I deserve.

He picks me up, brushes the dirt off, and takes me back. He always takes me back, He always loves.

Thank you.

I leave in 44 days. Each day that passes the excitement inside me grows more and more. I am so ready to see God move in huge ways. I am so excited to meet my class, the people I will spend six months with.

God is amazing. I could never live without Him. I cannot imagine life without Him.

I am so grateful.

God is love,

Jessi

2 months!

I have two months to the day I leave.

I ask for continued prayers.
You all mean SO much to me :)

God is love,
Jessi

Oh, how time flies.

June has come and gone and I havent written about much of anything since I got accepted to YWAM Charlotte.

For the past 3 weeks I've been working at North Shore doing camps mon-thursday.
God has blessed me so much with this opportunity. The kids keep me smiling, laughing, and always learning (and they help me develop my patience haha)

God will never cease to amaze me with his goodness, grace, and blessings. He is so good to me.

I leave for North Carolina in just about 2 months.
I am nervous.
I am SO excited.
I am ready.

God is Love,
Jessi

Jehovah Jireh

God never ceases to amaze me with his blessings!!!

I have been accepted to YWAM Charlotte! I am so excited to start my life long journey of serving God. It is insane how everything worked out perfectly. My only concern was how I was going to pay for it...God provided it. amazing.

I had been stressing out a little bit with what I was going to do with my summer. I wanted to serve God and be kept busy. I prayed about it.

God provided me with a job working at a local ministry here for the whole summer with my youth leader and a friend.
I am so in awe with how God worked everything out perfectly.

Jehovah Jireh.
"Our God Provides"

God is Love,
Jessi

God hears me.

So, this is from a blog I wrote on February 23rd, 2009:

"I am a junior in High school, i am beginning to be asked the infamous question "what do you want to do with your life" and as of right now, I'm not concerned with WHAT i'm going to do, but WHO I'm going to be. I know God is calling me into some kind of ministry, i just don't know what. And i am in no hurry to find out, in his due time, he will let me know."

God is awesome.
God is amazing.
God's will is perfect.

For over a year I have been praying for what God wants with my life.
And he has answered LOUD and CLEAR. He wants me in missions. He wants me doing his work every single day. For a long time I thought God was calling me into nursing. I got comfortable and complacent there.
God showed me that comfortableness and complacency in itself can be a sin. It is accepting where you are and rejecting where you could be.
I am so thankful God speaks to me, and shows me what he wants from me.
I am a wretched sinner, and he still speaks to me.

beautiful.

I have been working on praying as though God hears my every word.
He doesn't just listen to the desperate prayers of need.
He doesn't just listen to the praise from ground breaking moments.
He listens also, to everything in between.


God is Love,
Jessi

anxiety is washed away

I have been praying about my future for a while.
I know God has a HUGE plan for me, and this plan is perfect.
Through all of this He's taught me that I need to rely on Him for everything, and that I should never get comfortable, because He will continue to mold me, and shape me.
He has taught me to live without fear, and to love fearlessly.
He has made it almost impossible for me to hold on to any sense of negative human emotion. Hurt, sadness, regret, shame, anger, anything. When I think about the way that God LOVES me, it is impossible to feel anything but happiness, joy, peace, thankfulness, hope. It is amazing.

I applied to YWAM Charlotte. I feel a HUGE calling from God to go into missions, and this is the place he's lead me to. I prayed about it for a few weeks and decided to go through with applying. I mailed it in last week, and should be hearing back from them early this week.
I have a good feeling about this.

I am praying God will take away any sense of anxiety that I feel.
It is satan trying to plant doubt inside me, guess what Satan? Not gonna work.
Ecclesiastes 11:10 "So then, BANISH ANXIETY from your heart..."
Psalm 91!!

God is Love,
Jessi

Oh how he loves us...

GOD IS GOOD.

He answers my questions.

He has made me so alive.

He has made me brand new.

He loves us. Oh, how he loves us.


North Carolina, God is calling me to you. My prayer is that I see you soon.

God is love,
Jessi

A never ending love affair with Jesus

Guten Tag,

Words in the english language, or in any language for that matter, could not possibly describe how a relationship with the one and only king is.

I am loved by the almighty God.

this is more than amazing.

I live to serve him.

God is love,
Jessi

Bracelets, Knitting, and Jesus music

Guten Abend,

This week has been hectic to say the least. Kitty and I have drawn some conclusions though, which is a bonus.

1.) Being rebels for Jesus is the only way to go.
2.) We enjoy knitting, making bracelets and listening Jesus music
3.) God's word is sweet, we like it.
4.) Coffee is best consumed with Aunt Dawnie :)

This week has been enligtening and inspiring.
This is good.

God is Love,
Jessi

Home sweet house sitting

Guten Tag!

Today starts my week long journey of house sitting for a family that goes to my church. I am going grocery shopping later, I've never done that alone, for myself.

I feel old.

God is Love,
Jessi

1 is actually not the loneliest number.

Guten Morgen,

These past few weeks have shown me that despite popular belief, one is really not the loneliest number. In fact, I have found myself enjoying solitary moments. One of my favorite things to do now a days is go downtown park at the post office, and walk around thinking, stop in at Espresso Bay get some coffee, study and do homework.
It is so rejuvenating, to sort through my thoughts and emotions, to think about the day and the events that happened.
It is refreshing to be alone, and then go back into my hectic life full of friends, family, and school and be able to give people my all.

This is good.
Life is good.

God is love,
Jessi

Dear, Spring....I missed you

Guten Abend,

Today, for the first time in months, I had a day where I had no obligations. A day to relax, read, nap, enjoy the sunshine. It was beautiful. I took an hour long nap in the yard of my church with two friends, I started a new book. I loved it.
This day has reminded me to not get caught up in life. As much as school, extra curriculars, job interviews and church are important, I cannot forget to live.
Now more than ever I need to relax and take in my final moments of high school life. Tomorrow starts my final trimester of high school. I am excited, but nervous (and dreading gym class).
Monday I start my internship at Munson! I am really excited :)

God is Love,
Jessi

The future freaks me out

Guten Tag,

Before I went into high school I thought it was going to be the hardest thing, there would be more homework, more extra curricular things, everything was just going to be more difficult for me. I remember in 10th grade when all I wanted to do was graduate, I simply couldn't wait two more years to get out of high school.
Well, in reality my days inside of West Senior High are numbered. I have one trimester, 10 weeks of school left in high school. What has turned out to be the easiest part of my life, is coming to a close. Last night at the musical performance I sat down at looked at all of my fellow classmates, two emotions stirred inside of me. One was that my heart just overflowed with love for each of them, each one holds a unique place in my life, some keep me in line, some make me laugh, some make me think. The love is too much to really captivate using mere words. The second emotion I felt was sadness, once we graduate and spend our summer, the fall will take each of us hostage and pull us in different directions and we may not see each other again. I want to savor my moment left with them because come June 12th I am thrown out of my comfort zone. I am hopefully leaving to North Carolina. I will meet all new people, in an all new town, in a whole new state. God will bless this, he will bless us all.

I will be ready (hopefully)


God is Love,
Jessi

Let the juices flow...

Guten Tag,

Creativity is fickle. Who is to say what is creative and what's not?

Someones view of life and what they feel is creative can differ so much from person to person.

Which leads me to say everyone is creative.
Everyone is beautiful.
Everyone is a creation, hand made by God.

Magnificent.

God is Love,
Jessi

The only thing for certain is uncertainty

Guten Abend,

I need to become more content with the way some things are. The reason I say 'some things' is because there are some things in life that will always be growing and developing. But there are also some things in life so far beyond my control that attempting to grab hold of such things would create complete and utter chaos. Yet, I always find myself striving to take those things into my own control, and I end up doing a couple things;

-getting hurt
-making a fool out of myself
-wasting my time
-getting hurt

Some things are better left uncertain.


God is love,
Jessi

You've got a friend in me...

Guten Morgen,

I believe the most beautiful kind of friendship is one where you can be apart for weeks, months, even years, and you can pick up right where you left off. When you see each other again it is as if you saw each other yesterday.

This, to me, is a precious kind of friendship. It is one that knows no limits, you could be a million miles away from each other and still feel the laughter and memories of the other person.

I enjoy sharing this kind of friendship.

God is love,
Jessi

Written in the stars

Guten Tag,

Life is always hectic, between musical, school, church, family and friends, my time is well spent, but this afternoon as i sit on my porch, with the sun shining, and nothing but blue skies, i have found a fragment of time to write.
My feelings are hardly ever a priority to me, I like to take care of other people's feelings before my own will ever come to the surface.
But I do have a talent to read people's feelings and problems, but what bothers me is when I can't read someone's feelings or know what they're thinking. This is really upsetting to me, therefore I am drawn to people I cannot seem to read.

This has happened.

And it will probably get me into trouble.


God is love,
Jessi

Love & Music

1.3.10 (from my journal)

Love & Music

The downside of the weekend means turning in early, and dreading waking up in the morning.
This is the point that i am at.

But today had brought a new string of emotions, that are rare for the 'last day of the weekend blues' it had brought me excitement for the week to come.
I am excited to face a new day, each day i wake up. I am excited for the new ideas, and new determination this Sunday has graciously brought to me.

I am wide awake, and so alive.


And i am ready.


God is Love,

Jessi

Beautifully Broken

1.19.10

Guten Tag,

Sometimes I feel like I screw everything up. This is why I simply cannot bring myself to tell my best friends everything, because I somehow manage to screw up.
This is an issue.
I should probs fix it, but how?

I also need to become a better listener, and give people the chance to express themselves.

I'll work on it.

On a brighter note, I have the best friends on the PLANET.
For my birthday i got a marauders map from Harry potter.
Jealous?

yeah, i would be too :)


God is Love,

Jessi

Friday

12.11.09 (from my journal)

The weekend. Probably the two sweetest words to a high school student's ears. The weekend can mean many different things, it can mean a time to go out and party with friends. It can mean a basketball game, a volleyball tournament, or a cross country meet. Or for me, it can mean a time to relax, and hangout with friends.

But more importantly, it means two whole days without school. No teachers, no classes, no waking up early.
All of those things are a sweet melody to my ears. It's like waking up on Christmas to fresh fallen snow, and the smell of mom's home made cinnamon rolls in the oven.

It means time to relax, sit on the couch in comfy clothes, reading a new book, sipping on freshly brewed coffee.
It means time to write, just to write, not because you have to.
It means time to catch up with old friends, and time to make memories with others.
It means the best time to take pictures.
It means church.
It means sleeping in until 10 o'clock, instead of waking up at 6.

It means happiness.

Happy Weekend :)


God is Love,

-Jessi

Happiness

9.25.09 (from my journal)

Guten Morgen

Today started off with Bel Canto, Mrs. Brazee was gone today, again. I led the class with the assistance of my trusty right hand woman, Nikohl. Class started off uneventful, the usual "Hey how are you?" "what did you do last night?" and so on. But the morning was quickly spiced up with some of my personal stories, I decided to share the infamous story of my sister Amanda, and her boyfriend Brandon, and of course their gorgeous baby Tao.

I have realized that some of the funniest times that happen to me, or even some of the worst things that happen to me (by making them funny, the kind of situation when it's not funny when it happens, but it is afterward), have a way of cheering other people up, girls I haven't seen smile since school started smiled today in class. I love making people happy.

On another note, i have developed a conspiracy theory against my school, I think that the recycling they say they take to the "recycling" really just goes back into the trash. So, i have decided to hand take all of my recycling to the recycling center. This helps not only me, and my comfort, but also the environment. I may save a tree or two, and I have never been more pleased.

God is love.

-Jessi